I had always looked forward to it.
How does it taste? How does it feel? Is it exhilarating? Is it boring? Will I be able to have lots of fun with my friends with no restrictions? Is it free? Or do I need to give up something to obtain it?
It had all depended on this exam. But I failed here. The disappointment and rage that followed were unbearable. I wanted to run away. To a faraway place. A place where nothing would remind me of my distasteful past. Where nothing binds to a place with obligations. Where I can be a bird, flying freely as seasons change.
And I did. I ran away from my house. From my parents. From my obligations. From everything and anything that I had been familiar with. It had been my happiest moment. I can now be the bird that I wanted to be and live life as I want.
A few weeks had passed and I was lying delirious beside a road with a high fever. Earlier most of my money and belongings had gotten stolen and I had been barely surviving on the money I got from selling my gold chain. I did not want to part with that. It was my last memory of where I was from. But I had been a stubborn ox, refusing to return home, to the comfort of my family. I had given myself the reason that my family doesn’t love me. If they had, why hadn’t they still tried to search for me? And anyway, this is what I wanted. The freedom to go anywhere and live life as I want. But it wasn’t long before I regretted it.
As the money I had was drying up, I started living an unclean life. I had become a stray dog. Eating anything I could find. Sleeping anywhere that was empty. In the second week of June, a month and a half since I had left home, the rainy season hit the streets. Soon with no proper shelter or food, I had collapsed on the streets.
I was hungry. I was exhausted. But more than anything I was angry. Angry that my parents weren’t looking for me. Angry that they had not stopped me from running away. Angry that they had scolded me so much for a few marks.
Tears were rolling down my eyes. I was angry at myself for running away. For not working hard. For hurting my parents. But mostly for being a failure.
Will you forgive me……
I will be a good boy ….. and I will work harder …. to get a better…
So please take me ho…
There was a faint light. Was it morning already? How long was I asleep? I didn’t know and I didn’t care. All I wanted was to return home. The light was slowly growing brighter and brighter.
Home…. I must return to my home… to my parents.
By now I could hear a sound approaching towards me. But I didn’t care. All I could think was about my parents. My father’s big bear hugs. My mother’s superb cooking. Noisy chatter of my brother. It had been so warm to be with them.
Sound approaching me had grown deafeningly loud. But I didn’t care nonetheless. I could imagine them sitting and waiting for me.
Maybe will forgive me….